She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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