I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize