i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
