Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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