tonight lets celebrate not being married
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Damn victory sex feels great
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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