11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
