shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
