I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we made out on top of his cat.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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