K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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