Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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