is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
