Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
