Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
