just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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