dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize