Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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