Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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