census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
