Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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