Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So here I am, sexting at work.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
