im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize