Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
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