You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
