Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Too much gin, very little bucket
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
