his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
