i think my tv is drunk
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
