I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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