the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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