i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
