Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
How does one acquire holy water?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
