Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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