Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
