you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
