Don't you send me to vm
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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