I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
