Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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