You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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