we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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