I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
