I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
