so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
