i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
