Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
