dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
