Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
