I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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