It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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