you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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