..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
