how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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