meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
