WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
