oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
where are you?
Hypothermia
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
