Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
