im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
