I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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