gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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