Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize