Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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