I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
