who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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