'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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