I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
