remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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