Do you still have your period?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
