I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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