Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
